Nov242009
Another Chance To View (*Repeat)
Filed under Letters, more stuff, stuff, words by thewhitesettler at 10:21 pm on Nov 24 2009
Why do I torture myself so much? Day after f*cking day, I don’t know how long I can keep going on like this. I’ve thought, over and over, about how to change things in my life, but not enough confidence to go out there and do anything. Just wish that I could be of use somewhere. Anywhere that will have me. I’m just “The Baggage” here in this place. I see everybody going on with their lives, going to work, socialising, and all that sort of stuff, and I’m green with envy, I never, ever thought that there would come a day that I would really, really, miss being at work. I never liked work, but knew that if I wanted things in this life, I had to go out and work for them. At this moment I’m so f*cking down. I’ve heard people say that when you reach the bottom, the only way is up, or that things can only get better. Well let me tell YOU PEOPLE “THERE IS NO F*CKING BOTTOM!”You just keep on falling, or sliding down until you finally die. Maybe that is where the bottom is? Can Death be the bottom?? Maybe being dead is better than being alive? I certainly think that being dead is a whole lot better than the way I’m feeling just now. I need to do something, but I don’t know what? Everything I do or touch turns to sh*t. You never hear any dead people crying, maybe I am dead, because I don’t think anybody here hears me crying. I just don’t know what to do. I could swallow a whole bunch of pills, but I’d only f*ck it up, and end up being worse. I don’t want to kill myself, I just want a little bit of joy, a little bit of happiness, is that too much to ask? I don’t wanna keep doing this anymore, coming here venting all my pent-up emotions, I don’t wanna keep living like this anymore, I don’t wanna keep crying anymore. I don’t want sympathy, just some help, or do I have to do something as a “Cry for Help?” Before I get help? Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel better, maybe tomorrow I won’t be here? I don’t know why I’m doing this here, I do this a lot, but don’t usually publish it, maybe this time I will, but I know that other people will read it, and will make my life even more miserable. What the f*ck am I supposed to f*cking do though?
Another day ahead of me. I was in a lot of pain this morning, trying to get out of bed without disturbing Herself is getting more, and more difficult as the days go by. Trying to do some exercises today. I’ve read, in numerous articles, that exercising is the best way of releasing the good endorphins. Below is what some people believe that these Endorphins do.
This was from this web address http://www.naturaltherapypages.com.au/article/Exercise_Endorphins
If you believe in all that stuff then knock yerself out, because ME, I think that it is pure, unadulterated pish. But that’s just my view, I exercise quite a lot, well as much as my body will allow me to, and I don’t feel happy ( That is, I don’t feel exhilarated, and not one of those 7 vertically challenged little guys, that helped Snow White) after exercise, I feel knackered, and if I had a gun, I’d shoot myself with it to stop me doing anymore exercises. So that’s Endorphins for ye then. Apart from the ME, the constant back and leg pain, the internal fighting between my brain and my body, the depression that comes and goes as it chooses, and the general day to day sh*t that life throws at me, I’m doing fine….
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Endorphins are one of the latest buzzwords when it comes to exercising but what are endorphins, and why do we need them? Read on to find out more about these bringers of a natural high.
The traditional benefits of exercise have been to improve and maintain physical fitness, as well as helping to prevent diseases such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and diabetes. However, exercise is also great for your mood.
What are Endorphins?
Exercise decreases the stress hormones such as cortisol and increases endorphins. Endorphins are the body’s natural feel good chemicals, and when they are released through exercise, your mood is boosted naturally. As well endorphins, exercise also releases adrenaline, serotonin, and dopamine. These chemicals work together to make you feel good.
Endorphins are defined as hormone-like substances that are produced in the brain and function as the body’s natural painkillers. During exercise, these endorphins are released, and this can produce feelings of euphoria and a general state of well-being. The endorphins produced can be so powerful that they actually mask pain. Physically active people recover from mild depression more quickly and physical activity is strongly correlated with good mental health as people age.
Types of Exercise to Release Endorphins
The best type of exercise for improving your mood is cardiovascular exercises and aerobics. This is because vigorous exercise helps to release the chemicals necessary for the mood-raising high. Yoga is also great as it reduces tension and stress while improving the mood. It focuses on stretching, breathing, and motion that release negative emotions in the body.
How long do you need to Exercise to Feel the Benefit?
Even if you only exercise for a short period of time, your mood will be improved. Just ten minutes of moderate exercise is enough to improve your mood, your vigour and also decrease fatigue. However, to obtain all the benefits from exercise, not just the mood improving aspects, you should do at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise every day.
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Maybe the Endorphins in my body have gone to sleep? Maybe I’ve used all my Endorphins? Like there are no more Endorphins left in my body, could that be it? Oh so many unanswered questions, and even if I do get an answer to my questions, it’s not usually the answer that I’m looking for. Anyway better get back to my daily routine, maybe try to coax one or two Endorphins out of their little hide-out, if indeed they are still within my body.
That’s it then, if you’ve been educated, or if you’ve found something interesting by reading this weblog posting, then, I suppose, it has all been worthwhile. Thank you for coming here, and reading this thing that I do in this place that I do it in. Cheery…
One day at a time. Be positive.
Letting it all out. It’s NOT all about ME
Not looking for love, but needing a friend
1 Jillon 25 Nov 2009 at 9:16 am
Big hugs to you today, Tws. If I could buy endorphins I’d send you a crate-load! Take care.
2 taddoeon 25 Nov 2009 at 11:02 am
I agree with Jill. Excercise can make you feel good–I normally feel good after sport or other forms of excercise,but I also know if I am feeling really bad(like after hubbys death,i.e)I could excercise till I dropped and still felt lousy.I don’t think there is a “miracule” cure. Just take one day at a time.Bi huggy huggies
3 Hyper-Boreanon 25 Nov 2009 at 3:27 pm
Hi. I can’t say,” I know how you feel,” and I can’t say,” Hang in there it will get better,” because I don’t know. I can say hang in there because we are thinking of you. All the best.
4 Kingdomcaton 25 Nov 2009 at 5:15 pm
I think there are a lot of people with ME who are told “Exercise is good for you” and who find it to be a bit of rubbish touted by those who haven’t a clue what to do for sufferers. Medical professionals for example. Like the others me’nMarmers can only send a group *furryhug* Tws.
5 thelandladyon 25 Nov 2009 at 9:31 pm
Ditto, TWs, hang on in there.
6 taddoeon 26 Nov 2009 at 4:33 am
I think that there are loads of people with ME and don’t realise it. Medical professionals sometimes are a bunch of useless b*****s
7 Jillon 26 Nov 2009 at 8:58 am
KC, I personally think the exercise/endorphin thing is a bit of a fiction. I’ve never seen an endorphin in my life (not that I exercise much nowadays), although obviously there must be something to it. If exercising makes you feel better, for whatever reason, then go for it. Even the thought that you’re exercising and doing something positive must be a good thing, even if the old endorphins prove to be elusive. Good luck Tws.
8 nicon 26 Nov 2009 at 10:33 am
Hi Tws
I’m sorry about the endorphins, they probably are over-rated, but I think there might be a few out there. I have never found any in running, or brisk walking, but after much perseverence I spotted a few at the end of my cycling this summer (of course, as soon as I got them to work the weather intervened). I like work (lucky me) and I found a rich seam of them after a manic hotel shift but it is certainly a case of ‘no pain no gain’ and cosy office job is definitely ‘endorphin lite’ and I love it.
As to help; we all hide behind a pretence that everything is alright all of the time. I read your blogs and find them amusing and sometimes educational and often very helpful when I’m having a down time (which is when I spend more time here in virtual world) but I forget you are ill. I forget most IBers are much more likely to have creaking joints than boyfriend troubles. But for sure here you certainly aren’t just ‘baggage’ and ‘work’, although providing an on-the-spot social life, is NOT a measure of success. One of my ways to contentment is to not feel taken for granted, and the corollary is not to take other’s contributions for granted either, try filling the bad days with more ‘pleases’ and ‘thank-yous’.
Here’s hoping tomorrow is a better day.
9 Kingdomcaton 26 Nov 2009 at 5:41 pm
I feel used Nic! pure used so I do. You only come in here when you need a virtual shoulder and all this time I thought it was because you liked us. (Using the term ‘us’ loosely, as I am no longer one of you.)
However me’n'Marmers are still with you in spirit (whisky, aqvavit, rum, gin, you name it) and would be delighted if you felt the need for a furry shoulder now we are here http://kingdomcat.wordpress.com/ in sunny (not) Fife.
(Do purrlease excuse this shameless self-advertising on your VIBE Tws.)
10 Ruthodanorton 02 Dec 2009 at 7:12 am
Hey TWS, been thinkin aboot you recently, and it led me back to the wordpress blogs. I see you’re in need of many hugs, and I guess virtual eens will have to do, but you have one fae da far nort noo. A great big long squeezy hug. (Calm doon, it’s just a virtual one mind…)
11 taddoeon 02 Dec 2009 at 7:38 am
12 thewhitesettleron 02 Dec 2009 at 1:42 pm
OH I got a SEMI just seeing your name Ruthie babe…..
13 Ruthodanorton 02 Dec 2009 at 2:06 pm
Oh guys, I\ve missed you all! Nice tae be back. But you gotta calm doon there tws, all the excitement canna be good for you.
14 Jillon 02 Dec 2009 at 3:33 pm
Ruthie! How wonderful! You have been so very missed. Great to hear from you again!
15 taddoeon 02 Dec 2009 at 5:05 pm
sorry tws,but “ruthie when do you go to india to see beth??
16 Ruthodanorton 02 Dec 2009 at 6:03 pm
I go on the 19th Dec, and back on the 6th, will tak some photees for yous all. Must say it’s nice to be among all me owld palls again!
17 taddoeon 02 Dec 2009 at 6:19 pm
Its more than great having you back:smile::: FC is now KC http://kingdomcat.wordpress.com
Still as funy as ever
18 Kingdomcaton 02 Dec 2009 at 10:54 pm
Aha. Now I know who to thank for Ruth’s visit to the Kingdom. Merci beacoup taddoe! Someone will need to help Ruth get an avatar…I think I know an expert
Why does Tws get a semi-detached when Ruth pops by? Or a semi quaver…
19 taddoeon 03 Dec 2009 at 4:37 am
well send the expert over to me!!!which of my “avatars”is showing up on everybody else’s computer and not on mine???
and if anybody knows how I can get it to show on my mine for gods sake tell me:thanks.I’m away to work
20 Ruthodanorton 12 Dec 2009 at 8:06 pm
I was gonna blog but I’ve been closed doon. How do I get going again??
21 taddoeon 12 Dec 2009 at 10:48 pm
WHIT????THEY’VE CLOSED YOU DOWN
22 Ruthodanorton 13 Dec 2009 at 7:49 pm
Yeah, I didno blog for a whiley, so I bin closed :0( Absolutely no idea how to start it up again, I am not particularly good at this sorto thing.
23 taddoeon 13 Dec 2009 at 7:54 pm
Go onto http.wordpress.com,they’ll set you up,very quicly and easy peasy
Have a great time in India
24 Ruthodanorton 14 Dec 2009 at 11:21 pm
Ok, that looks easy right enough. But is it Island Blogging? Is it no just a normal wordpress blog? And thanks for the good wishes re india. Saw your news on facebook, very sorry to hear it, really hope it all works out for u n yours.