Jan 12 2010
The Sign Of The Times…
The following “News Article” is taken from the December issue of Western Isles K9 Times.
A Glassy Eyed Looking Winner?
The Wi K9 Times can exclusively reveal that one of the winners of the Annual RSSPCA Dog Show, has failed a “Random” drug test. our source ( Graham The Grass, who wishes to remain anonymous) tells us that the “Champion” who failed the “Random” drug test is none other than the 3 time Champion Getoffthe!
We asked the RSSPCA spokesman for a comment, but he refused to confirm or deny that any dog/bitch had failed a “random” drug test. Our insider also told us that the local trophy engraver was standing by to remove the name of Getoffthe from all Trophies. When asked if Tws and his clan at The Croft have been ordered to return all Trophies and Rosettes awarded to Getoffthe over the years, the spokesperson declined to answer.
We sent our top “Newshound” to Thewhitesettlers Croft to get a reaction from Tws on the news, however as he arrived at the Gates of the Tws Croft, he noticed that all the curtains were open, and all the lights were on. Our “Newshound” was met at the door of the Croft by the Representative of Getoffthe and Tws, Dodgy Dave, a pillar of the community ( he has held up the bank, post office, and the queue at the Lottery counter of Tesco) who let it be known that Tws & Getoffthe will contest any allegations of Drug Cheating in any Dog Show that has been graced by the presence of Getoffthe. Dodgy Dave then read out a statement on behalf of Getoffthe. “The allegations that I ( Getoffthe) used any performance enhancing drugs before, or during any show, are untrue, and scandalous. In the past few weeks it is true that, due to health concerns, I have had to take some “Prescribed Drugs” that are on the list of banned substances of the RSSPCA. However at no time have I taken these “Prescribed Drugs” prior to, or during any RSSPCA Show”
We were then asked to leave the property.
This “EXCLUSIVE” Expose was brought to you by “The Newshound” and The WI K9 Times……..
Red nose, and ruffled hair, raises suspicions.
“Shockin’! Absolutely shockin,’” said Kingdomcat and his plump sidekick Marmers when pressed for a reaction, “Who would have thought the squeaky-clean hound known as Gettoffthe would be guilty of such a heinous misdemeanor? We just can’t take it in and, quite honestly, we are deeply suspicious of the whole set-up and wonder just how much of a grubby paw DD has had in this whole charade.”
21 responses so far
Oh very very clever Mr Tws; you are on top form these days! You must have known neither my furry self nor your old legal adversary from Eek would pass up a chance to comment on a such a tantalising purreview
Thank goodness I saw fit to point the paw of suspicion at DD, thus avoiding more expensive litigation!
And landlady, I am pure shocked to see you are a purrveyor of illegal substances!
Right then, Tws. Getoffthe has retained me as her legal counsel. I will be after you with everything the law can throw at you. You know this is going to end in tears, so why not settle out of court right now and we’ll say no more about it? You can ask DD what he thinks, as he is no stranger to the legal process himself. And I hereby serve you with an ASBO, so keep right away from my client except for the essential tasks of feeding her, brushing her fur and other general maintenance. An innocent dupe! A poor misguided critter! Look at those eyes - you don’t stand a chance with a jury. This time it’s for life.
OMG
Jill from Eek is going to throw her briefs at you Tws. You’re for it now. Not a leg to stand on. If I were you, I’d disgusset out of court as suggested…well, almost as suggested…
I’ve been advised by my legal counsel to make no comment, although I can say that legal defence notes containing the word “Insanity” are being looked into, and any jury in the blogosphere, would tag me with that word, and the phrase ” On grounds of Insanity” or something like that.
Who said that? I know that there is a 7th comment, but I can’t see who it is
There’s a shadowy figure lurking in here Tws and, if you require the services of a private detective agency, me’n'Marmers are your men. If you want our help just sign on the dotted line ……………………… and make the cheque payable to Dick&Eye, or send your credit/debit card details and we’ll do a ‘customer not purresent’ transaction. Like your old mucker DD, we are as honest as the day is long; purrlace your trust in Dick&Eye and you won’t go wrong!
You’re just being paranoid, Tws, there are no shadowy figures lurking. Or are you just laying the foundations of your insanity defence? One thing I would say is to avoid any involvement with private detectives. Honest as the day is long, eh? Well, it’s pretty dark here already and it’s only 3.30 pm. That Marmers will clean out your wallet before you can give him your PIN.
My wallet was cleaned out long ago jill. And as for my *Insanity Defence* well no jury anywhere, after reading (selected) weblog postings, would consider me as anything but Aff Ma Heid. hahahahahahahaha
Marmers couldn’t clean anything out. He is being cursed up down and sidieways for bringing half the sh**e of the garden in on his manky paws every time he goes out to ablute. However I am more than willing to vacuum your wallet for any stray ooss, moths farthings etc.
PSSSST Don’t listen to that lawshark from Eek. We are squeaky clean.
Aye right, KC. “Honest as the day is long.” Well, it’s 9.00 am and it’s pretty dark still, so that’s a pretty poor advertising slogan at this time of year. In any case, leave that poor Tws alone. He is clearly unable to tell the difference between right and wrong, an apple ripe for the plucking by unscrupulous hucksters. No match for your wiles.
I don’t know if Jill is complementing me or goading me for a scrap
Is “An Apple ripe for the Plucking” some form of Eeek rhyming slang? ( With special attention to the “plucking” part)
Just curious, since I’m not a moggy, it won’t kill me
I thought long and hard before I used the “plucking” expression, Tws
You dirty rotten swine you! You’ve outed me! That yellow bandana is gay code. Mr Croft just told me
It was not done intentionally KC, which actually makes it funnier.
That Mr. Croft is a very good source of information.
If you get any funny looks from any Asian Tom Cats at least you will know why. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.
I’ve not been this pleased with life for a long time. ” The sun has got his hat on, hip hip hip hooray, the sun has got his hat on and he’s coming out to play, la la la la la la”
Okay,KC and the sunshine band,its up to you to better this one
