I was reading a newspaper yesterday, and I got to the “Classified Section” of the paper ( I think it was that Bombay Mix with the December 2009 sell by date, that I scoffed the night before) where one can view the latest people to have died, some peacefully, and some suddenly, although I think that there should be some limit, age wise, for someone to have died suddenly. Once one hits the three score and ten age mark, anything after that is NOT sudden. I know that there are people in their 70’s, & 80’s that are still working, or are very able people, but, if you go to church, on a Sunday, you will see a great deal more old people than young people. Some of them may well be just going to church, because they’ve got one foot in the grave, and are covering all their bets, just in case there really is a God, and at least they can say to Peter, that they went to church on a Sunday. I’ve digressed from what I wanted to do here, but just to remind all the coffin dodgers out there, 70+ not sudden.

I then came across the Accommodation To Let page, and noticed that a lot of the landlords ( and Land Lady, of course, I have kept LandLady in the singular context, because there is only one LandLady) don’t want DSS to rent their property. Why? I know not, however, they may find it a bit difficult, in the current economic climate, to find someone suitable. One entry stated that only non-smoking, God-fearing, single, working Gents, who are heterosexual, clean living, non-drinking and have no pets need apply. Firstly I had to look up heterosexual, not the meaning, but the spelling of heterosexual, although the meaning is  …Sexually oriented to persons of the opposite sex.  I got a bit side-tracked, and started looking up other meanings. Did you know that monogamy is not a type of wood? I never, well Oh yeah, sorry got lost there./ Right emm, oh yeah the ad for the accommodation to let, well I don’t think that person/gent exists anymore, in fact I doubt very much if he ever did, a working gent? Huh, yeah right….

Thank you very much for coming to this neglected little piece of the Blogosphere, that is my Virtual Home, and reading this thing that I do, in this place that I do it in. Now, have we learned anything by coming here today? Monogamy is not a type of wood? Sorry I still can’t get over that. I’m gonna check with the Oxford Dic. to make sure aboot Monogamy. While I’m there maybe I’ll check to see why Jews don’t like my Genitals, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll find out, and if I do, I’ll let you know.

Maybe it’s just the hoodies that they don’t like, and not all Genitals, you know they have a crew neck sweater on their man-bit ( that’s penis for all you grown up people out there, although I doubt many grown up people come here) and others have a Hoody on their Willie. Just a thought Cheery…. 

Sitting here waiting on the Insurance company answering the bloody phone, apparently ALL their operators are busy just now, so they think that playing Beethoven’s 5th ( just a wild guess, not one for the classics) at full blast is gonna make me feel calm, and assured, that one of their effin’ operators will interrupt the never ending “Sorry all of our operators are busy just now” then Mozart’s Stringed Concerto, played down the telephone lines at eardrum damaging level of sound. Maybe I’m getting old ( I am getting old, we are all getting old, every second of every minute, of every hour, of every day, we get closer, and closer to The Grim Reaper, or, if you are one of those peoples that believe that there is a God, then you’re getting closer to being with your maker in Heaven, if only?) but couldn’t they (the Providential bloody scare mongering Insurance bastards) just employ a few more operators to answer the telephone? Is that too much to ask? When I have to contact these people ( the scare-mongering bastards) I punch in their number ( it’s a freephone number, so they’re paying for the call, over 7 minutes, still no operator available) and I expect someone to answer the ‘phone, withing a few seconds, 4, maybe 5 rings? I’d even go as far as accepting my call being answered before some robotic voice gives me options to select, and NONE of the options are significant to me, press 1 for blah-blah, press 2 for waffle-waffle, press 3 for nothing to do with you, and on and on it goes.

I’m not very fond of Insurers, I do hope that this was not evident in this rant, because Insurers have a very valuable role in society, and they are up there, on the same pedestal as lawyers, accountants, and Estate Agents. They earn their living by imposing on your worst fears, like ” You’re going to die soon, so make sure that you have a decent burial, it only costs 25p per day, a small price to pay for piece of mind” Look when I kick the bucket, I won’t be giving a shit about any piece of mind, or if my corpse is being picked over by those chip thieving seagulls, or in an attractively priced coffin 6 feet under, because I will be dead, & if there is a God, I’ll no doubt be in a warmer place than I am now.

I’d like to apologise for the use of inappropriate language contained within this weblog posting, but I effin’ won’t. If you are easily offended, then don’t read this pish, that I’m thumping into here, because if there are any sure things left in this world ( Real or Virtual) then you can be sure that I will offend someone, and if that someone is you, then ha, ha, bloody, ha, you’ve made my day.

Thank you for coming to my little piece of the Blogosphere, and reading this thing that I do in this place that I do it in. This place being the World (in)famous Island Blogging. Have we learned anything by reading this? I don’t know, and being really honest about that question, I don’t fucking care. Cheery…

I’m pretty sure that most of us have cheated at some point in our lives, it could be cheating at cards, cheating in sport, and lots of others that I can’t think of just now. Oh wait, there is one more that I remember, cheating in love and marriage. There are different views on love cheats, a man cheating with another woman, is thought of as a Romeo, or a scallywag, however the woman is called a slut, or a whore, and many others that I could, but won’t mention.

There was once a woman who was married for a number of years, she wasn’t still madly in love with her hubby, but she cared about him, and possibly thought that *It’s better the Devil you know, than the one you don’t* This woman who I’ll call Carly-Jean, or CJ for short, got a promotion in her job, and it was the job she always wanted. CJ then had to work alongside outside contractors, and was a woman in a mostly, male world. She got to know one of these men, who we’ll call David John ( DJ) very well and they shared their problems with each other, and got to know each other intimately, although how far that went I do not know, I have heard rumours but won’t condemn someone here. The male DJ, was telling CJ how his ex-wife had been hitting him, and accusing him of having affairs with other women, which DJ told CJ were NOT true. He then got a divorce from her, and met another women, who he was living with at the time, however she is making his life a misery by asking him where he is, and what he is doing all the time, and after a period of time she also called him a Cheat, and this was causing DJ so much stress that he had to go to the Dr. and get some medication to help him cope with life. Now CJ ( the woman) hearing all this felt very sorry for DJ, because she had always thought that he was a very nice man, he went to church every Sunday, was always smartly dressed, and  doesn’t drink very much, a non-smoker, and looks after himself, by going to the gym etc.

A few weeks  passed and CJ & DJ could only find time to email, and text each other, but they did meet through their work, and DJ told CJ that his female partner had thrown him out onto the streets, and he was living in his office just now. Well CJ felt so sorry for poor DJ, and she then gave him a big hug, which then became a kiss, and eventually they had sex with each other. After a short period of time( a cooling off period?) DJ told CJ that his female partner had let him back into the house to stay, and he informed CJ that it would only be a temporally arrangement, and he is in the spare room, and not sharing a bed. ( this was found later to be untrue)

A few months passed and DJ & CJ were catching brief moments with each other, some more intimate than others. Then the sh*t hit the fan. CJ saw DJ kissing another woman intimately. She ran away and burst into tears, because the penny dropped. DJ was not the innocent party in all his fights with female partners, and what they accused him of, (having affairs with other women) was in fact true. She then went home and her husband was on the ‘phone to someone. It was the female partner of DJ telling Hubby all about DJ &CJ.

This story may, or may not be true. There could be no DJ, CJ, or other women involved, but I’m sure that, through time, we have all known a DJ, or CJ, maybe not a relative or friend, but someone we know of.

Trust

What is trust?
Who can we trust?
Can we trust our loved ones?
Can we trust each other?
Do we need to earn trust?
Can I trust you with a secret?
Can we trust our police force?
Can we trust our political masters?
Can we trust what we hear?
Can we trust our eyes?
Can we trust the camera to never lie?
Is trust very important to you?
Without trust what do we have?
Can we trust our landlords?
Can we trust our children?
Can we trust our friends?
Without trust, there can be no friendship.
Without friendship, there can be no trust.
Do you trust me?
Is trust the most important factor in a relationship?
I trust that you will forgive me this one time

Cheery…

‘Tis the season to be jolly, tra la la la la la la la,

T’was a cold night in Thewhitesettlers Croft, they had no peat to put on the fire, then someone, or something rang the doorbell, which shocked Tws, as they did not have a doorbell, as Getoffthe ( the faithful dog, although she is technically…) drew the short straw, she went to open the door, then to her surprise, nay shock, her eyes looked upon …………………..

@Twas the day before Christmas past………………………….
Click on the title to view the full weblog posting.
http://www.sweatband.com

The title should really be “Nowhere” I’ve been there a lot, and people from Nowhere are not very lucky on the roads. I’ve often heard drivers say, after they have knocked over a pedestrian ” He came from Nowhere” When I was a teenager ( insert joke here………………….) I often went Nowhere. My mother would ask me “Where are you going at this time of night?” and I’d reply “Nowhere” Well the times when I was feeling in a good mood. If you are trying to do something about the house, maybe repairing the washing machine, and someone may ask you how you’re getting on with the repair, and you may reply “Oh I’m getting Nowhere here” So where is Nowhere? I’m sure that we have all been there at some point in our lives. At school some teachers are often heard telling pupils that if they don’t pass their exams they’ll go Nowhere.

Nowhere has been twinned with Nothing, although it is mostly populated by young adults, as a parent may enquire as to where their off-spring is going out, and to do what? The answer is often “Nowhere and Nothing” If you have Nothing and come out of Nowhere, will you still get a ride in the ambulance to the A&E? Where is Nowhere? What is Nothing? Have you been to Nowhere? Is there really Nothing to do, and Nowhere to go? Is this weblog posting going Nowhere? Will there come a time, maybe not too far away, when I will have Nothing, and be going Nowhere? Oh maybe, just maybe I’m already there ????

Whilst sitting down, reading my newspaper, that little light bulb in my brain lit up ( the little idea light bulb, energy saving, of course, and environmentally friendly, although it does take a wee bit of time to brighten up all areas of my brain, which results in me forgetting why the “Idea Bulb” was lit in the first place) this idea could stop terrorism in it’s track ( I keep hearing/seeing that phrase in the media quite a lot, and thought that now would be a good time to use it for myself, I don’t think that I have to pay for using it, if I do, then I’ll just not bother) This brilliant idea could, if followed precisely, stop Islamic Fundamentalist Jihadist suicide bombers in their tracks ( I do have to pay for usage, but it’s a BOGOF today, so).

This plan is designed in a way that the Al Qaeda would have to change its name to Al Gayda, if it was to find a way around it. The plan is for all females, once they have reached a certain, and legal age, to lose their virginity, then there would be NO MORE virgins left in Heaven for the suicide bombers to be met with when they die. I know that this may seem a bit extreme, but we have to do what we have to do, when we have to do it, to save lives. I would like to offer my services, if this Brilliant plan was to be put into action, although me offering my services, and performing these services may not get passed Herself.

That’s it then peoples. Maybe you could write to your MP, or start a petition, to get things moving. Well thank you for coming here, and reading this thing that I do in this place that I do it in. ( Although YOU should be thanking ME this time) I don’t think that I need to ask if we have gained any knowledge by coming here today, as we all know that we have. That’s it then Cheery….

* Island Blogging would like to point out that the views expressed in this weblog posting are not the views of IB or anyone else conected to IB. The views expressed here are the views of the author of this weblog posting. So if Barrak Osamma Bin Ladden reads this then “Please mister it wisnae anything tae dae wi’us, it wiz him”

** What views? I never put any pictures in here. Then if there are any views on this weblog posting “It isnae ma views” Cheery…

I was of the understanding that banks were being more frugal with the monies that they have, or, as in some cases, don’t have. Now over the years the banks and I have not been seeing eye to eye with each other. It goes back to a time when I was a mere lad with too much money to spend, then the money stopped coming in, but the mere lad ( that’ll be me again) that I was, I did not adjust my spending habits. This is where the Red/Black colour blindness excuse sounded good in my head, but not in the heads of any bankers.I did, as one would expect, run up a bit of an overdraft. I did, shortly after finding gainful employment, but not in the same country as the Bank. I did make an effort to pay back all the monies that I had spent, that was borrowed from the Bank without their permission. Being young, there would be one or two weeks, here and there, that I decided not to pay off my arrears and spend the money on something that I thought would be more beneficial. The Bank kept sending me letters each payment that I missed, and, you’ll never believe this, charging me for sending the letters. Did I ask them to send me a letter reminding me that I missed a payment? No I did not, because I knew that I had missed a payment. The amount of monies due to the Bank was actually getting more and more with each missed payment, and each letter sent. I sat in my Bed-Sit in Brighton, looking at all these letters ( I did miss more payments than I made payments, well the nearest Branch of The Bank was miles away) and decided to do something about it, take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and as a 19 year old lad that I was, I went to the pub to give me some inspiration. I inspired myself into a stupor. I awakened the following morning to find that someone had got into my Bed-Sit, and tried to set fire to the letters, but must have had second thoughts and put the lit letters out with the remnants of a curry. A lucky escape I think. I decided to move from my current dwellings, at that time, and share accommodation with a friend, I also thought it would be a good idea if this move was done at a time when the town was not too busy, about 1 o’clock in the morning.

This turned out to be a good move by myself, as the letters from the Bank stopped coming. In fact I never had another letter from the Bank again, so the move of address was beneficial to the Bank as they did not have to keep on sending these costly letters. All of this occurred quite a few years ago, and I have now made my peace with the Bank, and we have agreed that I should only spend money that I have in my account, which is mine, and I won’t spend any of their monies. However it appears that The Banking World have forgiven me for my youthful over-sight, and have given me a credit card ( a move which raised the eyebrows of Herself) Once I use it, they will give me £15 to spend on Amazon, I will go to the Co-op to purchase a Mars Bar, then visit Amazon to get my £15’s worth of goodies, then never use the card again, unless there is a real emergency.

That’s it then, thank you, as ever, for visiting my little corner of the Blogosphere, and I do hope that you will have learned something by coming here, and reading this thing that I do. Cheery…